I've been thinking about writing an article after seeing this guy. I was lazy as usual and didn't do it until now. This article is to clear my mind, ever since we met we had many good memories, there are things and feelings that I have never had with other guys before. There are many concerns as well. And the concerns keep popping up to a point I don't know how to solve and how long I can take. Based on my previous record, I'd keep seeing this person until I can't imagine with him in the rest of my life, and I will pull the trigger and tell him, sorry this is not working. And deep inside I would know clearly that we have no future. For this guy, from the beginning, I know our future is vague. I want to list out all the concerns first, maybe the way I list them is not romantic at all, but it's what I need right now. So here we go:
Movie: It seems so silly that seeing a movie could be a problem in a relationship. But surprisingly it does. When normal things could happened easily among other couples but couldn't happen between you, something is wrong about it. We've been seeing each other for almost five months, and strangely we have never seen a real movie in movie theater. Knowing movie is one of his favorite things in the world and we couldn't make it happen, this thing has bothered me months. We finally set the date to watch the everyone's favorite, Avengers, this Sunday. And not until last night he told me he saw it with his friend last afternoon but will go see it with me one more time on Sunday. The whole conversation that we had last night concerns me so much that I finally wanted to spill every worry that I have here.
Ex-girlfriend: I know he has issue about his past. But mentioning ex-girlfriend every single time we met is not ok with me. To me it shows that he is not over them, and he still needs time to process what happened in his past relationships. He was not completely honest with me about the timeline he brokeup, that bothers me too. It bothers me after knowing he lied about he actually only broke up with his ex two months ago before seeing me. I felt he is not ready in a relationship. And the more time we spent together, the more it showed it's true. He sometimes compares me with all the two girls and concluded I am way better than them. I will correct him but man, every single day we met this topic will come up. It's like there are not only two, but four people, in this relationship. Oh wait, five, plus his mom. How the hell do I need to correct him? Like until the day we break up? Geez I think if he ever mention his weird exes again I might tell him that's it. I also worried if I am just a rebound to him. His exes are just all too weird. Every normal girl would be a rebound. I mean, have you ever heard a girl tells her boyfirend don't call me babe I feel uncomfortable?
His family: His family is way too much trouble. And he seems to be out of control of that. I seriously think he is a mama's boy. Every conversation we had could lead with his mom. My mom said or my ex-girlfriend topics make me traumatized after four months. And the worst thing is, he lives with them. His parents obviously need his financial support. His brother is an alcoholic who never dated anyone, got fired, unemployed, and over 40s.
His financial situation: After we met for one month, he started to bring up his financial situation. According to him being a freelancer means he would not have job for the whole 365 days, it's by project. And when he is unemployed, he would be down and not wanting to spend money. And now is the time, he is unemployed. Because of no income, he cannot move out with his parents, nor can him find another place for his parents to move. But the thing is, I keep seeing him spending money like nonstop! Shows, games, drinkings. He is like all the kids on Instagram showing off new stuff he did. The only difference is he is over 40s, not like other kids in their 20s.
His living situation: Living with family becomes a burden when you are two adults in your late 30s and early 40s. We all know what I mean. We need private place. Period.
His friends: I am a believer that your friend represent parts of you. And his friends, oh man, are a bunch of kids who still live in their dreams in 40s. Most of them are single for a reason, and give hime bad advise. I sometimes almost tell him, that's why they are still single and if you keep following them, you will be single very soon.
His attitude toward life: I don't see him showing urgency to survive in this world. All him and his family doing is living in a dream I don't know if they could affort. And that bothers me a lot. I work my ass off to pay my bills. And his family is just, whatever. He told me he only wants to take the jobs he likes. I told him not everyone has that luxury. When you need money, you work. No job is perfect. Whoever pays you is the boss.
